I have gone on two probably unnecessary spiels lately, but I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS OKAY.
The more interesting one, I think, was a response to TWORS, which I have never really properly done, so I figured it was about time for me to expel my feelings in the form of capslocks.
I absolutely hated this episode the first time I saw it. I was so, so angry - at River, at the Doctor, at Moffat. The Doctor was such an asshole, and River was so...for lack of a better word, pathetic. It wasn't romantic like Rory's 2000 year sacrifice was; it was selfish and annoying and I was a bit blindsided by how horrible the Doctor was being to her. I just wanted to jump through my screen and smack them both.
Then I rewatched it again, and again, and again and again and now I don't think I could love this scene anymore if sprouted wings and had furry adorable offspring.
Because it's just so them. It's perfect. River disrupts all of time and space to make a point, and the Doctor still doesn't believe he's worth it. My favorite part about it is that he actually listens to her. Her whole speech. He tries to interrupt but he can't, and he just listens and the look on his face is just heartbreaking. And he just keeps denying it, keeps ignoring what she's trying to say, and she just won't give up.
"I can't let you die--"
"River, I have to die."
"Shut up! I can't let you die, without knowing you are loved. By so many and so much, and by no one more than me."
And then! Then, I just sort of realized this and I kind of love it, akljawlker, she keeps subtly asking him if he has a way out. If he's found a solution. When they're in the crypt and he says that there isn't another way, her answer is, "I didn't say there was, sweetie." which is basically her saying, I haven't figured this out. Please, please tell me you have.
And when she answers "Yes" to his question,
"Billions upon billions will suffer and die."
"I'll suffer. If I have to kill you."
"More than any living thing in the universe?"
she's asking him again if he found a way out. "If" she has to kill him. Not "when." "If." She's begging him to tell her if there's another choice, and in the same moment she's telling him that she'll do anything - anything - to help him.
Even MORE than that, and this just breaks my little wibbly heart, she's finally putting her love for him in terms he can understand: pain. He doesn't understand how much she cares about him, but he'll understand how much she'll hurt if he's gone.
And that's when he stops fighting her. When he finally stops lying to her. Everything he's said up to this point:
"I don't want to marry you."
"You embarrass me."
"Your daughter! I hope you're both proud."
"You just can't get good psychopaths these days."
"Because as long as I'm alive, time is dying because of you, River."
"Oh, you love me, do you? Oh, that's sweet of you, isn't that sweet, come here you."
-which, by the way, I still want to punch him for - falls under Rule 1: The Doctor lies. He's trying to push her away, to make her angry enough to restart time; he's trying to convince her that he doesn't care so that she'll stop caring. And it doesn't work. It couldn't possibly work because it's River and she loves him and she's clever enough to know how to prove it.
She's strong enough to pull apart time. She's brilliant enough to break through it. And she's strong enough to kill him if it's the only way. But most of all, she knows him enough, loves him enough to break though those walls and make him see his own value. By this point, how could he not love her?
So he tells her. He tells her his secret. He could have told them all - Amy and Rory, too - but he didn't. He told River. Not so that she'd kill him - I've said before, I firmly believe she'd have done that anyway - but so that she wouldn't be in pain. So he marries her. And imo, even more than that, he asks for her help. He doesn't tell her to do anything, he asks her to help him. He never asks for help, ever.
And my favorite bit is, by telling her his secret, it means he can't hide from her once Time is restarted. He has to see her. You bet your ass she'd hunt him down if he tried to avoid her. So by telling her, she becomes the one person he absolutely cannot walk away from. And I don't think he wants to. He definitely doesn't want to.
TL;DR: AND THEN THEY HAVE LOTS OF TIME BABIES AND SAVE THE UNIVERSE AND PISS OFF SONTARANS AND ARE EPIC FOREVER AND EVER THE END.
And if you're still reading, A) I'm impressed! and B) here's the other rant, in response to this picture.
( ranty mcrantersonpants )
tenacious_err: RIVER/DOCTOR - RAINBOW PLANET OF UNICORNS.
"Unicorns!" The Doctor declares, twirling as he excites the TARDIS.
River blinks against the bright sunlight and raises a hand to shield her eyes. "What?"
"Unicorns, River!" He gestures to the expansive field in front of them, the greenest green; unicorns pepper the landscape, their bright silvery manes nearly reflective in the sunlight. "I give you rainbows, silver lakes, trees so tall they can touch the stars! -- not actually, but there are actual stars here! Tiny little menageries made out of the dusts of a thousand different burning stars and planets; you can buy them in the market place!" Grabbing her hand, he pushes her in front of him and toward the nearest animal. "But most importantly - unicorns."
River rolls her eyes as a few of the creatures look up, appearing almost as if they're glaring at the Doctor for interrupting their solitude.
"I can see that, dear, but why--"
He silences her with a finger over her lips. "In the last week, we have been chased by Sontarans, shot at by Cybermen, stepped on by Adricaracks, narrowly evaded two murderous plots-"
"-technically they weren't for us, sweetie-"
"-jumped off a cliff - handcuffed! -"
"- don't tell me you didn't enjoy it-"
"-and I was forced to eat beans." He leans in conspiratorially. "Beans, River."
( cont. shamefully. )
2. Belated ALKWEJRAWLKRJAWFKLJF over here about THIS. THIS THIS FUCKING THIS. OKAY. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. It's River Song/Eliot Spencer (Leverage) fic AND graphics and it is FUCKING GLORIOUS, OKAY. Those two are my crossover!bffOTP and cartography made this for me for my birthday EVEN THOUGH SHE DOESN'T WATCH DOCTOR WHO (YET) and did I mention ALKEJFAWELRJAWOELKRHAWKFJ?!
3. tenacious_err has given me permission to hack her LJ and post some of her fic. THIS IS AMAZING, OKAY. For those of you unfamiliar with tenacious_err's epicness, FIX THAT RIGHT NOW. She writes the awesomest fic ever. Once I'm done with grad apps, I will begin spamming her LJ with her fabulous writingness. REJOICE. GO.
4. I really just want to write fic but my brain is so tirrrreeeeed. *whines* :(
5. I think I need an SGA rewatch. On top of my Pretender-athon coming up with tenacious_err, my Doctor Who-athon with cutting_onions, my Doctor Who-athon with cartography, and catching up with Warehouse 13, Leverage, Revenge, and Lost Girl. CAN I JUST GLUE MYSELF TO MY TV AND NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE?
6. ...that reminds me, I need to catch up on House.
7. And The Good Wife.
8. And eventually watch Babylon 5.